Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
