things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i've created a new STD.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
