Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think a kid would responsible me up
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize