So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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