At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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