then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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