well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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