Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
