I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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