have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
