Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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