i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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