I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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