four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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