apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
