the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
