So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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