This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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