I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
