your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He shit in the fireplace
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
