Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
