Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
