dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
