I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
