don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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