hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
