Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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