he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
