so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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