I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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