Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
