i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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