I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
