Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Too much gin, very little bucket
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
