i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
