Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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