she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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