Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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