I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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