I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
