My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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