The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
