I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
