Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
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