well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
