I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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