Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
