I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
