Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I want her autograph on my taint
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
