I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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