forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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