I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize