After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
