you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
