I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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