At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
