I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You were trust falling into bushes
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
