i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
