i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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