And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
