Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
