Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
