Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
