what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
