Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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