Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
