I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
