It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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