It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
