Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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