Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
