Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
