peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
