also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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