Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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